can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We need to get me chipped asap
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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