I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
