We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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