I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
