I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
birth control should be required to get into college
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
