There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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