Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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