Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
