I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
