i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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