dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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