This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
