Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize