Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
