the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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