just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize