There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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