she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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