this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
