$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
