in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
