fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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