How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize