i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
