Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
