I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
