Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
