No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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