I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
