Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
