My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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