Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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