he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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