I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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