i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
