lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
