I don't usually arrange sex via text message
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
