Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
