i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i believe in u and ur pee
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
