I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
