when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
