the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize