I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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