I am in a vortex of obligation.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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