I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize