It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
