The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
