Someone shit on the floor
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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