Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
