dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
