So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
