New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
