so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
