haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize