Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
