Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
