Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
