I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
