Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
