My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
