she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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