out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
