I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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