Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
