Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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