The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
