On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
