i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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