I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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