FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
