Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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