hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
