Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
