So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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