My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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