How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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