perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
