he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
