the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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