So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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