The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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