Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
