so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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