Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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