My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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