i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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