i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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