Me. At least after what I've been through.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
