Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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