great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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