So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
