Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
